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It hurts!
Early Saturday morning, 3:51 am. I’m sore and I’m exhausted to the bone. I survived the worst weekend in my life. (Yes, I do tend to exaggerate whenever I type. There’s something about virtual keyboards that makes me want to overstate and add a touch of drama to every sentence I type). I caught a nasty flu that drained out all of my energy and on Thursday, the count down for the most painfully awful molar cavity had begun. I’ve always known that childhood cavities are going to haunt me down. Although not visible at first sight, those timed bombs, cavities, are not to be ignored and you certainly don’t want to brush your teeth a dozen of times a day as a attempt to stop the pain. Half of my face is paralyzed from this merciless pain and headache. I’m in misery, and it surly brought it company. A busy week full of midterms and quizzes awaits me and due to the flu, I’ve wasted my weekend torn out between the constant desire to sleep my tiredness and laziness away and between my molar pain that kept me awake, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I would’ve spent my weekend studying. After all, I am a student. I am a sailor and procrastination is a mermaid I cannot resist. I’m in bed and the lights are off. This pain is getting worse, and worse by the passing minute. I’ve tried some well-known tricks, from biting on thick tissue, to listening to piano sonatas. (Apparently, Ludovico’s brilliance works more as a pain inducer and less as a sleeping pill. I’ve even played some of Adele’s ever so depressing songs, it worked like morphine at first, then the pain doubled back). Don’t be fooled! In case you finally dozed off for 5 minutes. You will wake up and it will continue to hurt from where it stopped.
This post’s sole purpose is to distract me from this agony. Arranging words into thoughts in your head is the best way to encounter molar cavity. Yes, when all else fails, type your pain away. Picture this, a woman pregnant with her first and unplanned child. She’s in labor with her notebook trying to write her thoughts about how she resents kids and how much she wish that men could endure half the pain her vagina is about to go through.
Just like everything that has ever been written in this blog, this post has a hidden agenda. Measuring pain. A future reference to all of what is coming next, to both emotional and physical pain. This post is a reality check, to the coming sleepless nights of loneliness. That no matter how bad it goes or how depressed I feel, I can always hit jack and call it a night.
Notepads
one brilliant thought pops up into your head. You try to hold onto it, then you get distracted by the slightest of things. By the color of that ant, or perhaps by your own silent breath.
Your notion, Its gone, unnoticed. as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared back to the sea of notions.
you hopelessly trace your train of thoughts.
Found it!
Right before it get drawn into the deep stream of your imagination. Filled with high dose of false elation. Your ecstatic sense of accomplishment let go of what you’ve found, to spend the rest of eternity beside the irretrievable ideas.
After The Fall
Clouds fill the sky. The drumming running feet blasting off dust late in the midst of a dark night.back to where he started, to an exotic forest. Standing cluelessly, hiding under the shadow of desperation.
He first met her in an ocean of notions where thoughts are in a constant motion. Bounded by his insecurities, his overwhelmingness lifted her from the bottomless ground to the highest of skies next to the shining nebulae.To his utter surprise, she threw herself and fell from the pedestal where he once laid her, to a seemingly deserted planet.
He runs again, dodging pine trees.heading nowhere, and everywhere.seeking any hint or trace that might lead him back to her.
He stopped “where did she go?” he wondered.
He runs again, like a condemned man running from his executioner. No directions, not sure of what he is chasing anymore. A stranded man in a maze.
His swelling heart, withering in solitary and fiercely dictating and imposing it condemning thoughts upon his bewildering mind.The aching heart begging him to stop.he leaned back against a massive stone to revive his dying breath. Sweat dripping off his forehead.
To his west, he heard her screaming voice echoing through the night “You don’t know me, it’s only in your mind … only in your mind”.
Guided by the audible sound, he speeds uphill and there she was, sitting under a huge pine tree next to a golden lake. He could see the 13 lustrous moons all of them were painted in yellow. Slowing down, the steps of the plodding man began.Up she stands. After such a haste it was rewording for the wounded soul to be welcomed by her face.mesmerized by her utter beauty, eyes are locked, he could see the radiant stars in her flickering eyes as the cool breath of the cold night breeze soothing her long dark hair.speak no words, hands placed on shoulders.hypnotized and unaware, as she slowly began to fade into ashes, to the descending calm waves of the lake.a man in a daze.
A true story of mine, she left with no words of goodbye, I was inconsolable,graving my first dying love like a mother crying while holding on her long gone child.
Nothing hurts more than a love filled with illusions and fake promises.She was a forbidden fruit, confused and strangled by her feelings, tainted by her temptations.point no fingers, no one to blame.young and foolish in a time and place where love is intentionally a misunderstood taboo.
Once you’ve been hit, you’re doomed and after the fall when you loss it all, you turn to an emotionless man with no soul. no matter how many times the sun rose and no matter how many times the illusory night moon glows, that eerie feeling, attached with lonesomeness and glittered with fear, consumes every tiny bit of your soul.
The Sad Truth.
Abducted, controlled and brainwashed. Aren’t we all ? With no brain to function at all.
You who thought you could build the world, found yourself being drawn back to the same old hole.
Suppressed and bounded. Hopeless it seems. You want to escape your fatal fate. Doomed if you try to. You wait . An entire eternity it may take. A quick look back to what have you made. too late ..
no sorrow for the deceased..
Until you rise again.
Or forever left to dust and decay.
Dare To Dream
Through the dim of twilight in the glory of dawn. A frozen blushing-red rose posed in the algae-green grass alone,the ground around dressed in white.spring time yet to rise. He sat there near the frosty rose as he blew his miserable breath gathering warmth into the bare-hands. With no thorns to shield he strangled the dead wilted rose ripping it off its roots as it slowly dissolved in his soft naked hand back to the flaming-red color once it was.
looming like the romans. she saw the young man and approached him. perfect strangers each intoxicated by emotional desires. a friendly gesture of hi and why. pouring joy to an abandoned heart.and so they’ve talked reciting their own destiny. a cunning smile drawn upon her face every time he flirts mentioning her stunning beauty. brown eyes alluring all senses. neither a Greek Goddess nor the Graces of Greece will entice him from staring at her face.
With the wisdom of extraterrestrials and profound ideas propounded to provoke,Perfect is an understatement to her imperfection. Desperate to be embraced. Promised to undertake her love. Words were spoken a young heart not to be broken. Called her my sunshine. igniting love into his glommed dull heart. A Soulmate of black and blue with not much to do in a glue-yellow dress glow. the hands of lovers entwined. walking side-by-side down the frozen creek with no lies to bend the truth and no restrictions or limits to rule and hold them down. and so there they were at the crack of dawn in their own heavenly paradise merely humming vague melodies enchanting one another. The Ideal life that they both dreamed of.
12:15
I’ve met a girl with eyes of the Phoenix,child-like spirit and sublime beauty.
surrounded by her friends. I walked into her life,uninvited. and instead of kicking out the unwanted stranger she invited me in. I was shocked. one to the thought of how rare a person of such kind. And two to how she singlehandedly triggered strange strong feelings deep inside I never knew existed.
Ever since,She started what seemed like a never-ending battle between what my heart wants and what my mind thinks !
And so the young foolish heart of mine thought.
“I love her. no wait .. I don’t believe In love and even If I do I’ve just met her. I think I like her.Yes that must be It. I admire her.”
three years have passed. best friends we’ve became. And so my feelings have grown stronger than friendship. The more secretive I have became the more devastated. I have sent signs along the way. A game of cat and mouse it was. with both of us masked. our game got serious,but still not wanting to confront her.
Until one of those senseless weekends. we went out on a casual wednesday night as “friends”. laughs and jokes around. I woke up the next day to the slaughtering loneliness.
It seems that the epic and ever-raging battle has been settled.
Want her, Have her.
A phone call was made. on the other end she answered. with her voice as I once describe “adorable”. Then I told her “…meet me at midnight” she can clearly hear the depression wrapped with agony in my voice.
distracted,I hung up.Forgetting our silly game of “you hang up first” that we both use to mock couples with. And suddenly a big bang of thoughts has exploded. Thinking about how I’m going to tell her the infamously cursed four letter word. I kept over thinking of how many ways this could go catastrophically wrong. one single thought of hope made my heart jump from one extreme to the other. “what if we’re meant to be?”. then I reminded myself “If not,I’m going to lose her forever.” There’s no coming back. no friendship can survive the L word. My heart kept going up and down. dancing between heaven and hell.
And there she was. in one of December’s cold nights. wearing her white windbreaker. clueless as she waits.She can see me from the horizon as I walked like a thousand soldier marching on. determined. only to be demolished by her smile.
“12:15 right on time” she said with a sarcastic grin on her face.
I replied “ I love you aly. I’ve always loved you“ It felt like the world’s weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she never looked more confused “ w..what? you’re joking ”
I said “ I can’t keep lying.this is the honest truth”
“swear to God that it’s not one of your twisted games”
“I swear to you I loved you since the day I’ve met you but I was too scared to admit it”
With her blushing red angelic face she said “I love you too” her voice kept echoing inside my ears like a melody.
followed by a long hug soon turned into a cuddle as the cold wind beating relentlessly over our heads.I can feel your heart beating like a hammer.
as for me you opened a new chapter in my life. my first and only love.I was reborn on that morning.
Planet DW2o
In a secret pathway, shows a hidden door. As I walked through, I found myself in a colorful, mysterious world. A planet 100,000 light years across. Passing by a jungle of exotic, gigantic creatures creeping around. Terrified, I ran to a mountain top.
There I saw 13 different moons lit up the night sky. One is too close, another is too bright. All shades of yellow.
On the left a volcano erupted, and unlashed it buried anger. On the right an icy river of pure blue liquid flowed toward the sizzling hot lava. I sat right there to witness an epic duel. That’s when I heard your voice echoing my name over, and over again. Then all of a sudden everything turned brighter until my world collapsed, and vanished.
I opened my eyes only to see your angelic face. Wearing the biggest smile. That’s when I realized that my world is in your hand, and I felt like a child who has been saved from drowning, and for that darling, I owe you my life!
